when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
