I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize