I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
