nut hugger
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I need water and some morals
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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