he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
