Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
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You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
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You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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