You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
