He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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