dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
