Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
