Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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