Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Did I show you my penis last night?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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