Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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