He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
