Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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