Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
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5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
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Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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