You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
