There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
