i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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