Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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