my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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