I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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