i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
