I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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