Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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