Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
