? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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