At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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