I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
