wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
