I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
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so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
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the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize