it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
