so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
