This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
