Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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