My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
