my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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