I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
