My first STD was from a foam party
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
