I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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