At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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