i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
