He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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