Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
