he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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