Your dad touched me again.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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