Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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