dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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