I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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