Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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