my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
