I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
