this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
