She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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