oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
