the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
They should really pass out barf bags in church
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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