im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The adults are the big ones right?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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