the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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