the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
