i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
