It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
