This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
