Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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