Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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