I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
