Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
