Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
