my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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