If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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