Fuck appropriateness.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
